You haven’t blown it. Hope is not lost. No matter what you’ve done. He wants to free you from your shame or guilt. We are all broken in different ways, some are just more publicly known than others.
Stop looking to the world for answers. The world cannot tell you why you were created the way you were. The world cannot heal the pain in your heart you want to hide. The world cannot love you the way your creator does.
God knows everything you’ve done, and He doesn’t want you to turn away. He’s offering you another chance. He wants to clothe you in His compassion and mercy, and lead you to fullness of life. It takes time, and He wants to walk with you on a new path.
All it takes is your plea, an ask, an opening of the door to let Him reveal Himself to you in a new way.
“Who is a God like you, who removes guilt and pardons sin for the remnant of his inheritance; Who does not persist in anger forever, but instead delights in mercy, And will again have compassion on us, treading underfoot our iniquities?” Micah 7:18-19
My Heart, My Home 